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In the back room of the potions shop, which was significantly larger than the store front, Severus sat balanced on a high stool as he leaned over the counter, hunched over precise work. His dank, black hair fell over his face, a tangled veil that he kept pushing out of his vision with a frequent hand gesture that seemed moved more by habit than by conscious thought. His agile fingers slid the thin blade over and through the gossamer thin batwings, shredding them into even finer pieces before he deposited them into a glass bowl on his immediate left. His black eyes flicked up, and his posture evened itself out as he searched out one particular vile from the collection that occupied the rack in front of him. Allowing his fingers to drag across each label as he searched out the one he needed, he finally came upon it and snapped it free; plucked out the cork and tapped a miniscule amount of purple dust over the freshly shredded batwings. His morning tasks in the back room completed, Severus left it without a backward glance, the glass bowl grasped surely in one hand.

He strode out of that room with a strong air of calm ownership over the little shop. His walk was quick, decisive, and filled with purpose even though he was only going over to refill the shredded batwings. He had just neatly placed the bowl down in the only empty slot (which was a very fortuitous thing, given who had just walked inside Slug & Jiggers without his noticing). As he looked up from the rows of glass bowls that lay frostily refecting the morning sun, he thought he caught a glimpse of crimson hair disappearing behind a display. His breath seemed to have become trapped in his throat, but he quickly managed manoevered himself between and around the various tables and stands of potions ingredients, for there was only one person who sprang to mind when he saw red hair. The face that he always invisioned to wear that hair was always and inevitably Lily Evans.

It was her. Although he had always searched for her absent-mindedly, he found that he did not know what to do now that she actually was in front of him. So many things had been left unsaid and unspoken between them, or so he thought. For a second now that he had seen her, the void that had been empty since she had ended their friendship had been filled, if only for that brief second when he first recognized her. She was here now though, that was all that mattered and he couldn't let her slip through his fingers. With cautious, mincing steps he approached her. She had her back turned to him, examining something. He paused, almost a foot away from her. "Do you require assistance with anything?"

I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!

Had not those been the exact words that had slipped so carelessly in a fit of mad hysteria from his fifteen-year-old lips? Yes, so they were. It was shocking how one slip of the tongue had seemingly altered his entire life course. Well, half of it anyway. One half had gone precisely according to plan while the other, the one that had centred around Lily Evans had been obliterated, and some days he could still not believe that fact of his life. Even three years after the fact, there were still brief moments in time where he had made a mental note to tell Lily some brilliant thing that he had thought of or seen, only to remember in the next instant that she had cut him out of her life. And that instant made the old wound seem fresh and open.

Severus had, without a doubt, crossed paths many atime with Lily during their remaining years at Hogwarts, but they had never exchanged any words after she had terminated their friendship. Though he had tried time and time again in the weeks that had followed that dark day to speak to her, she wouldn't have any of it. It was strange, he had always believed himself to have a relentless will when it came to acquiring the things that he desired. In every situation that he could recall, he had never ceased in any of his pursuits, but with Lily, the most important person who had ever come into his life, he had at last ceased. He told himself that if he gave her the space that she wanted then she would come back to him in time. But that inch of space and time that he had given her had lapsed into a surrender and a severing of ties.

She turned around, the green eyes that he had always loved fixed on him. She reached out her hand to him. And gave him a list of ingredients. He took it from her, his thin fingers brushing hers for the briefest of moments.

"Though you needn't bother,"

And that was all that she said to him. So, this was how it was to be, was it? All her childhood friend Severus Snape was to her was just another clerk in a long string of shops that Lily would step foot in today. Although his chest felt like it was crumpling inside him, his impeccable composure was stalwart. His fingers did not even tremble in the slightest his black eyes grazed the list. "Very well," he said in his calm, silky voice. "It should only take a short while." He had no intention though of letting her out of his sight that quickly, despite what his toneless words had conveyed.

A clinking of glass was heard as Severus set down the collection of ingredients onto the worn wood of the counter. He had gone about the store, flitting in and out of the back room to get some item or other that had been written on the list in Lily's own hand. He had done so in a mechanical manner, seemingly unfeeling and insensitive to the crimson haired woman in the store. He even walked by her several times as though she weren't even there. His eyes only saw the shelves and shelves of ingredients and his mind was only bent upon retrieving those items.

He had seen the glittering diamond on the ring finger of her right hand, and his heart seemed like it might implode. He had visions and ideas of who might have given her such a ring, and they ran him through like razor fingers. His jaw tightened noticeably, but he gave no other overt sign of his inner thoughts and raw emotions. He simply went on with the task at hand. But that was what really twisted the knife into his heart, wasn't it? The thought of that who, the thought that it was him of all people who had won the heart of Lily Evans. For although he had seemingly judged Lily to be in the wrong for refusing and rejecting his apologies, who was it who had set the whole spectacle in motion? James Potter, that was who.

That warm, near-summer day flashed up in his memory in bits and pieces, uninvited and unwished for, and Severus shoved them away, deeper into the back of his mind as he selected several pairs of locust wings from the basket in front of him, gently pulling them apart with a silver instrument. He had dwelled for too long on that day. But, it wasn't just that day, although it always came around as the culmination of past events; the proverbial straw that had broken the camel's back. He had been torn in two long before that. He had made allies, gained respect amongst Slytherin's most influential members. People like Mulciber and Avery had given him that respect and passed on their influence in the school to him after a fashion. But they hated mudbloods, they hated Lily Evans whom he had loved. Still loved.

He looked over at her, hoping to catch her eye and signal to her that he had finished with the part of the list that she had given to him. He swept himself behind the counter and began to organize the different ingredients into the different clusters. "I substituted some of your original ingredients for others that would be more effective for the potions that you're intent upon making." He drew a circle around a group of ingredients on the list with his wand. "For instance, this particular salve works faster and leaves less scarring if you were to exchange newt eyes for salamander eyes." He tapped his wand again on the piece of parchment and his neat, yet cramped writing revealed itself, naming the few changes that he had made. "And in case you feel otherwise I've collected your original ingredients here," He indicated the group on the left. "And my substitutions here," He pointed his wand to the right group.

He said it all without a hint of emotion, as if he were issuing the words to a complete stranger.

Although he had a feeling of what she was, and how that now stood diametrically opposed to what he had become.

Was it fate that had set them upon these paths? Paths that had seemed the same at first, only to reveal themselves as opposites, as mirror images of each other? Or was there no such thing as fate, but instead only the wills of the individuals who carved their way through life with savage hearts? In his younger days, Severus Snape had often pondered such existential questions about life, the universe, and everything, that is until he realized that it didn't matter one bit what the answer was. What did knowing the answer matter in the end? How would such knowledge change your decisions? What was done was done, but if Severus had to say which of them was truth, he'd go with the latter option. Passing things off as 'fate' or the work of some 'god' was laziness and a way of absolving oneself of guilt. While he still blamed a part of his lot in life on others, he didn't try to come away free of all. He ruminated obsessively upon his own mistakes and misconceptions. That had never been his particular difficulty.

She was at the counter now, eyes on what he had done with her list and hearing his words. He looked at her, studied those features that he had committed to his heart since he was a young boy, like he was drinking in her very presence before she disappeared from his life again. He knew, knew without the hearing the harsh words that she would speak next that her being here with him would not and could not last. In a few moments she would leave and it may be weeks, months, or even years until their paths would cross again. Maybe even never. He thought suddenly, but then brushed the speculation away. That was wrong. They would be reconciled, he knew that this separation between them could not be forever more. If it was, he would not be able to endure it.

"Who says I'm making a salve?"

Severus winced almost imperceptibly at the cutting tone in her voice before he replied in turn. "You and I sat at the same table for years in Slughorn's potions class. I cannot believe that you would think so little of my skills that I would be unable to discern what it was that was being made just from looking at a simple list." He held up the list with his thin, sallow fingers for emphasis.

"I think I'll stick with my own ingredients, thank you."

He studied her in all her anger at him for a few moments. "As you wish. Although I never would have thought that the well-being of yourself or even your loved ones would be worth so little to you that you would disregard them over some...quarrel...between us." Here he paused, now observing her, and then - "Why give me this part of the list in the first place, Lily?" Although he meant the question in every part of his being, saying her name out loud had been a kind of gift. He had not said it to another soul since the day that they had ceased to speak to one another.

From the moment that Lily Evans had entered the Apothecary of Slug & Jiggers, the two former friends had behaved towards one another as though they were simply two perfect strangers. But now that Severus had uttered words that more than hinted at their previous affiliation, the illusion had been destroyed and old hurts strained and then cracked open, revealing still raw emotions.

"Don't you talk to me about thinking so little of people, Severus Snape,"

Did he regret saying those words, thereby lighting the fuse that had set the whole production in motion? Not one bit. It was unfathomable that he could possibly let her walk away from him and pretend that nothing of any importance had existed between them. He had chosen his words carefully, had made sure that she could not deny his being here, occupying the same space that she was. He immediately wanted to reply to her with I never thought little of you, but could not bring himself to do so. It was not that he had thought lightly of her, it was the fact that this reminded him of a similar vein of conversation that they had already been over. He knew that she believed that he thought little of her, and knowing Lily she would not be wavered from such a staunch opinion. "The fact remains, you should have known." And that was all he said on the matter.

He could see now though, looking at her lovely face and listening to the anger in her voice that he had touched a nerve that he had not meant to tread on. A miscalculation on his part, and he immediately regretted his choice of words, though as he knew better than most, there was no undoing damage that had already been inflicted. "I know that you do not trust me, but as I recall, you were an adept potions maker," His black eyes bored into her. "If you would simply observe my suggestions, I think you would find that I am not trying to deceive you, Lily." In that instant even Severus wondered why it was that he had bothered to make the healing salves and balms superior. He loathed Lily's new circle of friends with every fiber of his being and now he was protecting them, when they deserved no such charity. He wasn't doing it for them though, it was for Lily. Blood would be spilt in the coming time, and he vowed that it would not be hers, he would always protect her, even if it was only an accident that given him the more important part of the list.

"Well, excuse me for not being up to your standards."

Severus had always known that he had loved Lily far more than she had ever loved him. Back in his younger days, when he and Lily used to play together as children at the park, swinging her on the old, battered tire swing, he had always invisioned her one day matching his affections. Looking down at her, but avoiding a direct glance into her brilliant green eyes, it was impossible for him to imagine her, the woman he loved, falling below his standards. It was no lie that Lily Evans was, in fact, the bar by which every other woman he had ever met, and ever would meet, was measured. A softly uttered, "Impossible," Was the only word that he could manage to release from his lips, despite all the thoughts and feelings that swelled inside him.

"Give me both,"

Just as he was about to move his hand to clear away his recommendations, as he had been certain that she truly was going to reject his sound advice, he was proved wrong. A beacon of hope seemed for a minute to shine, and for all of his carefully practiced mask of emotionlessness, he felt it crack a bit as the beacon swelled, exceeding the borders that he had carefully set up.

"And I'll test your improvements on myself. That way, if you are lying, it'll only be me who has to pay for foolish naivety."

As quickly as he had allowed the thought that he might have crossed some sort of impasse, all such suggestions of the like quickly crumbled down around him. She spoke to him like he was some common brigand, whose only interest in her affairs would be to cheat her, or worse. Without a word he packed all the ingredients up for her with a defeated wave of his wand. "That will be 4 galleons, 13 sickles and 28 knuts, please." He said as he reverted once more into the role of shopkeep to yet another, in the long, faceless stream of customers.