She could feel the frustration when he chose to refute her words, even before she had finished the thought, even when she asked him to forego it. But she could not hold him responsible, she knew then that if there was any basis for confusion, for bemusement- it was because of her. She hadn't been straightforward with him for nearly a year, their initial trust soon being replaced by facades of wellness. She could not allow him to have seen how weak she had been, her pride wouldn't allow such a thing- and here she was, once more pushing him away when he all wanted was reason.

She could not repeat the tragedy of the past, not when she'd learned so much.

"Char," he began, his hand taking her own from his mouth, "I never meant to do anything more than to love you."

Silenced with his fingers to her lips when she moved forward to refute him instead, Charlotte let her eyes slid shut as he continued. He would insist she hear him out, it was only but his way.

"I don't think that I love you. Bloody hell, Char. Do you think I throw those words about without thought? I've spoken them to one other woman before you. Just one."

Lifting her gaze to his, her breath stilled in her throat. She knew the weight of his words, she knew what it had taken of him to admit it once more when she had already rejected him for it. Her admiration grew for him tenfold as she found a lack of judgement in his eyes, and she feel her resolve slackening. What else did she need but for someone to love her like this unconditionally?

This is not about you.

"What makes you so afraid of that?"

How could she tell him that she was terrified of hurting him again? Not this kind of hurt, but the kind that had left him so bitter when she'd first shown her face at the door. How could she convey to him that she had never wanted to dissappoint him again, not in the way she had in the past? That she was invariably convinced that he deserved better, far better than she could give him?

Touching his fingers at her lips, she edged them lower, her gaze steady on his hand as she held it. Her breath trembling as she released it, she lowered her lips to his palm, the kiss she brushed to the skin tender. Lifting her gaze to his then, she found herself biting the inside of her cheek before finding the words.

"I want you in my life, I do, Leathan. I need to see you, learn you over again. But I can't lose myself, not like before. I need you to trust me, trust that I know what I'm doing this time."