Match Summary (2 of 3)

"So, whilst Ravenclaw play pass the Quaffle, let's take a proper look at who is out on the pitch today. Obviously there is no one quite as odious as the bunch of fascists and closet queers Haddock has enlisted but I assume no one wants to hear again that Lodge passed the Quaffle to J. Kollmann. So of course we have Lodge, long standing chaser on Ravenclaw, got talent that girl though apparently not only for Quidditch. Of course the same could perhaps not be said for the rest of Ravenclaw's chasing team, and well everyone knows that J. Kollmann was only there because he was banging the old captain St. Jenson, which seems to be a trend with Quidditch captains at the moment, what was Skvortsov destroying his team by not keeping it in his pants and Haddock and Black getting up to Merlin knows what Helga knows where. And oh, we have some action, J. Kollmann has broken through the line of Gryffindor chasers thanks to a superb Bludger from Willoughby, who I'm reliably informed by my companion here in the top box has prolix and knows how to make love potion. Not that rumours should ever be believed of course, particularly not when the object of them has the ability to send lumps of metal flying towards the top box and for fucks sake would you aim at the opposing team not at me!

"Sorry about that, and it appears that Ravenclaw have taken advantage of their beater trying to fucking kill the commentator and it is J. Kollmann passing to Cartney just spitting distance from the hoops and poor Crouch doesn't have a chance as that one slips easily into the right hoop and Cartney finally gets her high five from J. Kollmann even if he is eyeing her as though he is terrified. Not much to say about Crouch, who appears to not even be trying to reach the Quaffle before it hits the ground. Talk about resignation, so much for Gryffindors being the arrogant and courageous house, or perhaps Crouch is just one of those sortings which makes no fucking sense, and ow, sorry, okay, of course the hat is never wrong McGonagall. Anyway, Crouch passes out to A. Kollmann, who passes to McTiernan while shooting Lodge's tits a sidelong glance, and McTiernan passes back, and it's time for pass the Quaffle with the Gryffindor chasers it appears, or well it would be if Name-I-Can't-Say didn't have other ideas. One well-aimed Bludger scatters the chasers, however McTiernan has somehow got her hands back on the Quaffle and now it's Willoughby's turn to inflict some damage and fucking hell talk about damage. Willoughby's Bludger smacks into the third Gryffindor chaser's head just as the Quaffle reaches him, and if Hooch's frantic whistle is anything to go by it looks like he is out cold.

"Yes, definitely out cold, Hooch is flying him to the ground and a time out is called, with Gryffindor spectators insulting Willoughby with words I dare not repeat lest I want another bruise on my forehead. Let's just say they are not happy, though it appears their chaser is going to be fine, if no doubt severely concussed. So whilst we have this time where people are going to be doing nothing but glaring and scheming and running off to piss, let's look at the often forgotten seekers. Not had much to do this match since that snitch chase earlier, however even now McArthur and Higginbotham appear to be looking around for the elusive golden ball. What a bugger that would be if it appears during time out eh? Of course one has to wonder who has the advantage, McArthur who has more games under her belt or Higginbotham who wasn't recently jilted for a manipulative Slytherin bitch, oops, sorry, I mean lovely lying pureblood who totally isn't getting married soon, of course, because purebloods never do that. And what do you mean stick to relevant things? There is nothing relevant to say except that Crouch apparently doesn't wash his hands if the time he was in the bathroom was anything to go by!

"After all, we all know how much emotions can affect the game, look at Astor's performance after he got dumped back in the Autumn, or the mass walk out of Hufflepuff female players aside from Aubin thanks to their esteemed captain being a moron. Don't worry; I can say that as he isn't here what with his lifetime ban and all. And we are still on time out, apparently Gryffindor are going to take the fucking piss here and attempt to wait long enough for concussion to pass. I mean I know they are losing and all but Hufflepuff played without a fucking keeper last game and they had a chance of the cup so the least Gryffindor could do it get back on their brooms and get this over with so we can start the party already. The absolutely non-alcoholic before curfew party of course, because we would never break rules in the name of Quidditch.

"Wow, they actually listened to me, Gryffindor are back in the air, swiftly followed by Ravenclaw whose captain is busy trying to give yet more advice. Bit of an overachiever type that Lin, you should see her extra curricular list, enough to make one sick when you consider she still gets good grades. Of course common sense is not something she is quite as good at, not if those rumours involving Vilhelmsen are anything to go by, but I guess we can't criticize her when there is at least one other person on the pitch today reported to have shagged him. Guy must be hung like a hippogriff cause Merlin knows it isn't his personality they are after. And it is Lodge with the Quaffle again and she looks like she means business, perhaps Lin threatened to make her wear her robes properly next season if they don't win, and it's Lodge to Cartney, and Cartney to J. Kollmann and all three chasers are weaving towards the hoops in a rather impressive display which I suspect has something to do with Gryffindor only having two chasers to oppose them and beaters who have barely had a whiff of the Bludgers this game. Though apparently I speak too soon, for McSomething has got his bat to a Bludger and damn if that wasn't a good crack he gave it. Shame it went wide, and in any case J. Kollmann has passed back to Lodge who is now just being a show off and shooting from well outside the scoring area.

"And apparently they need to make a bigger scoring area, I don't know who is more surprised, Crouch or Lodge herself, because damn that was a great shot. So it is fifty points to Ravenclaw, and ten still to Gryffindor, who will need to hope McArthur gets her hands on that snitch soon and stops shooting despondent glances at the Hufflepuff stands, though I suppose if Gryffindor do lose you lions can all blame Davy Gudgeon, deluded eejit who is thinking with his cock and not his common sense. Anyway, McTiernan has the Quaffle, and her and A. Kollmann are working extra hard but I suspect it is a tad in vain. Still, can't blame them, Gryffindors aren't renowned for giving up even when there is no chance of winning. Though you have got to hand it to these two, impressive team work here, as A. Kollmann passes back to McTiernan who dodges a haphazard Bludger from one of Ravenclaw's beaters, I didn't notice who, and passes back to A. Kollmann who, fuck, drops the Quaffle in order to avoid joining his team mate in the hospital wing. Not that I can blame the guy, but sometimes you just need to put yourself at personal risk to get the most gain. Still, Cartney with the Quaffle, and it is Cartney to Lodge, and Lodge skirts two Gryffindor chasers and a, fuck no, she doesn't skirt that Bludger, looks like she took a glancing blow to her elbow which has to hurt like fuck, and okay, okay, I'll keep it clean already, Merlin forbid the little kids should hear a swear word.

"Still, Ravenclaw retain possession and damn that was a nifty pass from Cartney to J. Kollmann who shoots, aaaaand, scores! And what the fuck, that couldn't have been a sighting of the snitch could it…"

Ravenclaw 60 - 10 Gryffindor

*written by Em

Last Edited By: QuillNParchement Jun 1 08 9:53 AM. Edited 1 times.