"I can't relax." She sighed. "You don't understand Nic. You're not the one who's married, you're not the one who's pregnant. You don't have anything to worry about. He's just your friend. He's my husband. I can't believe you… I … that we didn't think…"

"No, DanI.. I'm not married and you're the one whose pregnant, but this isn't clean cut for me either okay?" He was getting irritated against his will. She was scared, he understood that, but the accusation that he had not problems in this was completely unfair. "I don't know if you realize that I have to appear together all the time. In my line of work, this could hurt me and my reputation. Sean wasn't just my friend, he was my best friend! He was my… Best friend." His words started out angry then slowed as the guilt set in again. Again, and he was saddened inwardly by having used the past-tense to describe his friendship with Sean.

"Its not just that Nic. It's for the babies too. For Sophia and this baby. They don't need to grow up with that."

"To grow up with what? It's their reality, it's the way things are. Better to know your real father than to be lied to your entire life, wouldn't you think? I want this DanI. You can't keep it from me just because you're scared of losing something." The words sounded harsh but this was him begging in his own way. To think that she would keep his child from him after admitting that it was his was unbearable, he couldn't let it be.

"I know, I guess, I mean… that you'd want that or for me to get rid of it. But Nic, that will be hard. You can't be daddy, or anything, you'll just have to be uncle Nic like you are to Sophia."

That hurt. It created a hole in his chest that was filling with bitterness as the conversation progressed. He couldn't be daddy. Sean would be daddy. Nic would be like some strange pointless relative, the babysitter single guy who didn't have a family of his own. It was in these moments, when things looked bleak and lonely that the Auror wondered if his devotion to the cause was as unshakeable as it had always been. He'd hunted long enough to have found his father's killer a hundred times over and somehow it would never really be enough. Maybe this was his curse…

"But we're here every week, and as long as we don't start sleeping together again we can keep it this way… and you babysit for us often enough. We'll just have to tell Jeremy no more often."

"We wont be sleeping together again." Nic stated with broken authority. The resultant joy of finding out he was to be a father finally had been stolen from him as soon as the gift was given. Now, worse than before he would watch a child of his grow up without a right to claim it. There weren't words…

"I fail to see why you get any say in how and when I tell my husband what." She snapped, and pulled away from him. Then apologized, "Sorry, it's the baby and the hormones. I… and I'm scared, Nic."

"I… What if he leaves me? What if he takes Sophia?" She asked, holding her daughter close to her chest. "We shouldn't have ever slept together."

For the first time since the whole affair had started, Nic completely agreed with her. They shouldn't have done it, nothing should have happened between them and he should have ended it early on. Not just for Sean, but for his own character. For what person he had become in engaging in the entire thing. Her pleading, her sadness stung because it was again, all about someone else.

"Well we did… And nothing is going to change that now. And you're right.." He said, sounding defeated and sitting on the edge of the bed because he felt weak suddenly. "I have no say in what you tell your husband.. And I'm sorry that you're scared of losing him because I know how you feel about him, but this isn't something we can cry over like it's somebody elses fault." This was the Nic that worked as an Auror, the clear minded man who took responsibility for his actions. Most people liked the other Nic, the off-work fun and entertaining version a lot better.





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Anyca McTiernan: Ready to Sissify the Shit out of Tobias Haddock.