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Week of April 13-19, 1987Easter Holiday: On CampusGryffindor vs. Hufflepuff:March 15
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Nov 18 08 2:42 PM
Anyca McTiernan Seventh Year Gryffindor Gryffindor Prefect Gryffindor Quidditch Captain Gryffindor Chaser Herbology Club Member Character of the Month April 2009 Nicolai Roman Department of Magical Law Enforcemet Auror Office Field Agent Happiness is a warm gun...
"Your Reputation? Your Reputation? You were screwing someone who was engaged to someone else, and you stop to worry about your Reputation now?"
Nic's temper was rising and he controlled it with an efficiency that he had gained from the very work that she was referring to. "My work is my life, DanI. You have Sean, and your baby and that is your life, well my work is mine! Don't talk to me as though I'm being insensitive when you have always known what my job was to me." He fumed, thinking honestly that she should be glad to have someone to lose in the first place. Nic always seemed to be on borrowed time lately.
"I don't have to tell him its your baby." She said softly. "I don't want to hurt Sean more than we have to. He shouldn't have to lose his wife and his best friend at the same time. I can just tell him its not his and not tell him who. Then your reputation and your best friend will still be there, and I'm the one getting hurt, is that better?"
"Oh pull the other one.." He scoffed almost, feeling more angry at her now for accusing him of being cruel than anything. "I'm not telling you what you have to do but living that lie will be hard on everyone, not just you and not just me, but the kid too and eventually our child will find out." Nic was stalking the edge of the room like a cat now, muscles bunching as he steamed. She had robbed him of his moment of joy, the few seconds he might have had when finding out that he would be a father and he was angry.
"It doesn't have to be their reality. How would you have liked to grow up knowing your mother was a slut? Knowing that you were the reason her marriage failed?"
Nic was silenced for a moment, contemplating his reaction to the statement. To DanI calling herself a slut, to a child believing that of their mother. In all his rationality with evidence posted all around his room and on their faces Nic could still not view DanI as anything like a slut. He almost felt guilty for pressing his need on her and wouldn't be doing that again, he… Was responsible for this.
"I'm not scared of losing something, Nic. Its not a set of keys or a new handbag. I'm afraid of losing everything. My baby girl, my Sophia. My husband. Where I live, I don't work, Its not like if he leaves me I have something to go back on really, it's this and I'm out. If Sean leaves me and takes the baby, then I go back to my mother and you never see you baby again."
Underneath all the bitterness that Nic kept for her marriage, he could understand what she was saying to him now. Beyond the anger and the resentment of it all burned envy. He didn't care if she lost Sean because he didn't have that kind of happiness, and with his life, his work he never would. But the part of Nic that did care was the human part. He loved DanI, as a friend and more and Sean as well. Nic slowed his pacing and leaned against the wall, hair falling in his face as she dropped it into one hand.
"Alright… DanI, alright. Whatever you want." His tone was that of someone defeated by their own honor. Nic couldn't say he'd had any left after the affair, after betraying a man who was a good friend to him for so long, but it would seem there was something left of his sense of the better. "But if for any reason Sean finds out and you have nowhere to go, don't think I wont take care of you." He said, not romantically, just a promise. Clear and real.
"I'm not crying because its not my fault, I'm crying because I know its my fault. And it's so damn upsetting! We should have done something… thought of this." At least she'd thought of it. She thought she was ok. Maybe Nic had too, but she didn't imagine he did. She held Sophia and bounced the baby lightly. "You could at least hold us and tell us it will be ok." She sighed. "I'm scared, Nic."
He lifted his eyes, watching her from between the strands of dark hair and sighed feeling like more of an asshole than ever. The Auror shook his head and tried to think of words to say what was getting to him. She couldn't understand, she wouldn't because right now the fear of her own possible loss was far more important than his. But who was he kidding anyway, he had nothing to lose. The responsibility of helping his family had always been enough until he'd met DanI, what happened?
He approached the bed and sat down beside her again, and pressed a kiss on the corner of her mouth. The most respectful kiss he could manage while avoiding what he truly wanted from her. Nic would have kissed her completely if he weren't on a mission to stop, to disallow them the opportunity to make things worse. But in spite of himself he pulled her and Sophia into an embrace and squeezed very gently, knowing she needed him now even if it was different.
"You have nothing to be afraid of DanI, there are far too many men in the world who love you for you to ever be truly alone."
Anyca McTiernan: Ready to Sissify the Shit out of Tobias Haddock.
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